Habit-n-Whatnot

I have great reasons for not creating good habits. Mostly it comes down to lifestyle, brain chemistry, and poor choices.

I cannot remember the number of times I have opened a fresh journal and enthusiastically penned “…and this time I will keep the habit in perpetuity!” Sometimes I use “forever” or “for a full year” instead of “in perpetuity.” I have even done this multiple times within a year.

I know journaling is good for me.

According to the American Psychological Association, journaling—or what they call expressive writing—can substantially reduce stress, enhance mood and emotional awareness, as well as reduce intrusive and avoidant thoughts about negative events while improving working memory. And that was back in 2001.

So, in essence, I have knowingly and successfully been avoiding building positive skills for well over two decades now. Congratulations, me!

Do I know why?

I suspect I do…deep in the dark and dust-bunnied recesses of my amygdala.

I suspect that some of it involves my fear of what I will write when given carte blanch to open the doors and spew thoughts at will.

——Okay, “carte blanche.” “White card.” I love etymology: the study of word origins and their meanings from creation (or “coinage”) until now. “Carte blanche” means giving someone complete freedom over something. I guess military leaders used to give their subordinates signed otherwise blank sheets of paper to fill in negotiations and what-not, at their discretion.——

Anyhoo, I have a deep aversion to opening that dark space.

But I also suspect that it might involve my avoidance of work-like repetition. I have seen this in my children—oh, that painful mirror of parenthood. My youngest will watch the same insipid YouTube FNAF jumpscare with the continually yelling “influencer,” but woe betide any parent who suggests that he practice his saxophone. He loves the saxophone. Makes little sense, but there it is. Me in miniature.

Well, this is the year.

I am going to be journaling and this time I will keep the habit in perpetuity.

Right after I check out this new gummies only web store.